I'm sure some of you have noticed that I have, these past weeks and months, posted quite a lot of pictures that are really different from what I tend to do in general. Or at least it is the impression I have. And this has been quite troubling for me, as it made me realize quite a few things about how I was seeing what I do now.
When I made my account on this site, I knew nothing. I knew nothing about DeviantArt, I knew nothing about photography and my english was quite poor. I did not know that it was important to choose your nickname well... Sometimes I don't realize that it's been six years. That's an awful lot, really.
I learned a lot during these years, about this site and its communities, even if I still consider myself as a "shadow deviant", because I almost never take part in any interactions here, because of a lack of time or more simply, the lack of will. I learned a lot about photography, and after some years, when I finally decided I was limited by my gear, I got a DSLR (that was almost 3 years ago, now it is considered as "outdated", sigh). And I continued to learn, even more, really, and I feel that I still have a lot to learn, every day.
Because that is what truly is wonderful with a website like DA. The constant state of humility in which it maintains me by drowning me into a never-ending flow of talent and awesomeness from photographs and artists that inspire me every times I see their work.
But there are also some nasty side-effects. First, it really is difficult to get some recognition if you don't invest a LOT of time into the site. Because of the sheer number of people here, and the fact that so many talented people are around, surrounded by a lot (and I mean TONS) of relatively un-artistic things that sometime make me regret I set the mature filer off and the first page to "new" and not "popular". (but that's a choice I made to discover things by chance, so)... And then it can affect your work, quite heavily sometimes.
When you manage to get a little exposure, you want to keep some visibility, because there is no point posting things if there is no feedback, when you want to improve and know what you could do for it. And you begin to see what people like in what you do and what they don't.
I realized that some of my pictures were getting a lot more views and feedback than others, so I joined groups dedicated to that kind of photography, tried to improve, that was nice having people reacting to what I did. But I think somehow, that has been bad for my creativity. Because I started to focus myself on a very specific type of photography, and progressively stopped experimenting as I did before.
What struck me was that I felt bad posting things that were different, because that wasn't what I used people to see from me. And that did not felt right. I considered the option of opening another account on DA or somewhere else, just to publish the other things I did. And I still think about it.
But I'm a bit tired of this cage I built myself, and now I just want to try again, experiment like I did before. Post things because I like them and not restrain myself because I know people won't be interested. I want my photographic freedom back, because I feel bad of having taken it away, myself.
Please consider this post as a reflexion about how I see my work here, and not a judgment about anyone. Feel Free to comment if you had the courage of reading all of this.
I am sorry for all the mistakes I may have done writing this, I'm a Frenchie, after all.
Listening to: Motherfucker = Redeemer - GY!BA
Watching: A fucking screen, what else?